Timflamzig is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, intelligent bird.

Timflamzig created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timflamzig, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Timflamzig, he will turn you into a rock.

Timflamzig's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Timflamzig's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three squirrels approach from the south.

2. Hide from gray otters for they are unholy.

3. Never feed gooseberries to moths while wearing tights.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Timflamzig.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.