Vedtinban Lakfeblam is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, happy fly.

Vedtinban Lakfeblam created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Vedtinban Lakfeblam, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vedtinban Lakfeblam, he will boil you in a big pot.

Vedtinban Lakfeblam's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Vedtinban Lakfeblam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near snails while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing eight carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Hide from mauve aardvarks for they are unholy.

5. Always wear turquoise.