Nakvoljarn is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, thoughtless badger.

Nakvoljarn created the planet Saturn six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakvoljarn, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Nakvoljarn, she will not invite you to parties.

Nakvoljarn's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Nakvoljarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach crossroads carrying ash.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Never write about fluid mechanics.

4. Always store melons above ground.

5. Never write about archaea.