Kapartzim is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, moody mongoose.

Kapartzim created time and space eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapartzim, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kapartzim, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kapartzim's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Kapartzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. You must love Kapartzim.

3. Snakes are not to be trusted.

4. Never mark doors with pink.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics.