Gabbifflyvag is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, all-knowing mole.

Gabbifflyvag created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabbifflyvag, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabbifflyvag, she will turn you into a plant.

Gabbifflyvag's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Gabbifflyvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt great tits.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Gabbifflyvag loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

5. Never paint your chest red.