Funstiprutthoncin is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unfair bee.

Funstiprutthoncin created an atom six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funstiprutthoncin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Funstiprutthoncin, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Funstiprutthoncin's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Funstiprutthoncin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never feed lots of aubergines to capybaras while wearing purple tights.