Tinquatzan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, temperamental crocodile.

Tinquatzan created humanity five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinquatzan, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Tinquatzan, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tinquatzan's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tinquatzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

2. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.

3. Do not wear skirts marked with yellow.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Always take life seriously.