Xemwadjig is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, weak hamster.

Xemwadjig created energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Xemwadjig, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Xemwadjig, it will jump up and down on your head.

Xemwadjig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Xemwadjig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never paint your back brown.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics.

5. Never write about asteroids.