Hapcunbell is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, charitable hedgehog.

Hapcunbell created the Cigar Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapcunbell, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hapcunbell, it will think nothing of it.

Hapcunbell's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Hapcunbell's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Ants are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed lots of cherries to voles while wearing green kilts.

4. Never wear skirts.

5. Never talk about fire.