Cumbumstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, temperamental mole.

Cumbumstaf created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumbumstaf, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Cumbumstaf, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cumbumstaf's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Cumbumstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Do not take Cumbumstaf's name in vain.

3. Do not keep five rats in a large pit.

4. Never wear orange coats.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near hamsters while wearing red tights and balancing eight titanium spheres on your feet.