Jarnstipmum is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, annoying cobra.

Jarnstipmum created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnstipmum, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jarnstipmum, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Jarnstipmum's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Jarnstipmum's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnstipmum.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Worship no other gods but Jarnstipmum.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.