Yarpmadyim is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, conceited warg.

Yarpmadyim created a Higgs boson three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarpmadyim, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yarpmadyim, it will turn you into a mouse.

Yarpmadyim's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Yarpmadyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not keep four seals in a large pit.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.