Tabstigjam Hitkinfas is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, overgenerous troll.

Tabstigjam Hitkinfas created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabstigjam Hitkinfas, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tabstigjam Hitkinfas, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Tabstigjam Hitkinfas' most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Tabstigjam Hitkinfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never chant near manatees.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

5. Do not keep eight mice in a large pit.