Vonkyatken is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, quiet goose.

Vonkyatken created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkyatken, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vonkyatken, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Vonkyatken's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Vonkyatken's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick capybaras.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near whales while wearing green dresses and balancing eight iron spheres on your back.

3. Always face the west before chant.

4. Do not eat pineapples.

5. Do not turn your feet toward north.