Lagpanbim is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, uncaring sheep.

Lagpanbim created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagpanbim, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Lagpanbim, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Lagpanbim's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Lagpanbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

5. Do not speak about turnips.