Flabtarpfag is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, irritating cow.

Flabtarpfag created everything that exists three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabtarpfag, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flabtarpfag, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Flabtarpfag's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Flabtarpfag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three carbon sculptures of Flabtarpfag on top of important buildings.

2. Never laugh in the presence of frogs.

3. Always help birds.

4. Never hurt seals.

5. You must never eat gooseberries.