Gembopcem is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, astonishing lobster.

Gembopcem created bats three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gembopcem, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gembopcem, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Gembopcem's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Gembopcem's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Gembopcem.

2. Put Gembopcem first in all things.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

4. Never feed peas to dolphins while wearing boots.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.