Garzigweg is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, conceited cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Garzigweg created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garzigweg, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Garzigweg, she will turn you into a sheep.

Garzigweg's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Garzigweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about galaxies.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Garzigweg.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.