Talpodgumligyakfutmislan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, humane gnu.

Talpodgumligyakfutmislan created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Talpodgumligyakfutmislan, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Talpodgumligyakfutmislan, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Talpodgumligyakfutmislan's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Talpodgumligyakfutmislan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large lead sculpture of Talpodgumligyakfutmislan on top of all buildings.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never go into purple rooms.

4. Heed all portents.

5. Never point your neck toward the east during prayer.