Arnsagbapjad is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, contented hummingbird.

Arnsagbapjad created the Cigar Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Arnsagbapjad, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Arnsagbapjad, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arnsagbapjad's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Arnsagbapjad's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing red jumpers.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.