Kiptifmif Hogquimtarp is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, strong skunk.

Kiptifmif Hogquimtarp created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Kiptifmif Hogquimtarp, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kiptifmif Hogquimtarp, it will turn you into a hamster.

Kiptifmif Hogquimtarp's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Kiptifmif Hogquimtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon indigo earth.

2. Always remove scarves before entering holy places.

3. Always share tomatoes with strangers, but never with snakes.

4. Heed all dreams.

5. Never speak the names of stars aloud.