Disszagjam is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, uncaring manatee.

Disszagjam created time and space two million years ago.

If you believe in Disszagjam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Disszagjam, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Disszagjam's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Disszagjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Disszagjam's name in vain.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Never prepare coconuts during spring.

4. Never speak at midnight.

5. Do not laugh in public.