Arpteenbif is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, all-knowing parrot.

Arpteenbif created humanity four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpteenbif, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arpteenbif, it will destroy your home solar system.

Arpteenbif's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Arpteenbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not travel during winter.

4. Never mix peas with blood.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.