Dossflatkam is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, egotistical cobra.

Dossflatkam created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dossflatkam, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dossflatkam, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Dossflatkam's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Dossflatkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near badgers while wearing red dresses and balancing seven carbon spheres on your arms.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.