Figcunnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, bad-tempered hippopotamus.

Figcunnutt created Mount Everest six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figcunnutt, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Figcunnutt, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Figcunnutt's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Figcunnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Never eat limes.

3. Hide from blue nematodes for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about geese.

5. Feed all hungry dolphins.