Flatbeppop is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, cheerful coyote.

Flatbeppop created gold eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatbeppop, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flatbeppop, she will torture you forever.

Flatbeppop's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Flatbeppop's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never think ill of sick pigs.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always pray immersed in water.