Linpinnibbagcam is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, astonishing clam.

Linpinnibbagcam created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Linpinnibbagcam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Linpinnibbagcam, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Linpinnibbagcam's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Linpinnibbagcam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never mark doors with black.