Fontettigoflag is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, all-powerful hydra.

Fontettigoflag created the cosmos two million years ago.

If you believe in Fontettigoflag, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fontettigoflag, he will remove you from existence.

Fontettigoflag's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Fontettigoflag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not turn your feet toward west.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not prepare figs while wearing skirts.

4. Never approach crossroads carrying clay.

5. Do not wear silver on your body.