Appquagmin is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, emotional tapir.

Appquagmin created the universe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Appquagmin, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Appquagmin, she will jump up and down on your head.

Appquagmin's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Appquagmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about rats.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not listen to music.