Bissjabkopneg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, able salamander.

Bissjabkopneg created Africa eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bissjabkopneg, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bissjabkopneg, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bissjabkopneg's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Bissjabkopneg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat beans on fasting days.

2. Always store tomatoes above ground.

3. Never talk about spacetime near pigs while wearing red kilts.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.