Bapmonpasfossfagjabgov is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, emotional fish.

Bapmonpasfossfagjabgov created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapmonpasfossfagjabgov, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Bapmonpasfossfagjabgov, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Bapmonpasfossfagjabgov's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Bapmonpasfossfagjabgov's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight sheep approach from the north.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near ducks while wearing white coats and balancing three carbon spheres on your head.

5. Respect your elders.