Dutlarnvab is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, humane guinea pig.

Dutlarnvab created a Higgs boson seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutlarnvab, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dutlarnvab, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Dutlarnvab's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Dutlarnvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near snails while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing five carbon spheres on your head.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about foxes.

4. Never wear skirts.

5. Do not chop down trees.