Mitlignurt is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, effective giraffe.

Mitlignurt created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Mitlignurt, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mitlignurt, he will turn you into a dog.

Mitlignurt's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Mitlignurt's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine tin sculptures of Mitlignurt on top of important buildings.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not speak about coconuts.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never think about optics near voles while wearing black stockings and balancing six iron spheres on your neck.