Xucparkcemzod is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, kind goat.

Xucparkcemzod created the world six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucparkcemzod, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xucparkcemzod, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Xucparkcemzod's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Xucparkcemzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after dogs.

2. Never stain your head with turquoise.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Do not fashion tools from zinc.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xucparkcemzod.