Jopgumnarl is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, staggering gerbil.

Jopgumnarl created the Black Eye Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopgumnarl, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jopgumnarl, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jopgumnarl's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Jopgumnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

3. Do not keep eight snakes in a large pit.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not stand on grass.