Yarp is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, fussy raccoon.

Yarp created bats three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarp, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarp, he will be very unhappy.

Yarp's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Yarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never feed lots of wheat to geese while wearing blue shorts.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Run away from white hamsters, for they are unholy.

5. Yarp loves ducks, so they must be respected.