Haplibvig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unsympathetic shrew.

Haplibvig created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Haplibvig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Haplibvig, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Haplibvig's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Haplibvig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Run away if three pigs approach from the north.