Bedsakstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, humorless unicorn.

Bedsakstaf created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedsakstaf, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bedsakstaf, she will turn you into a mouse.

Bedsakstaf's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Bedsakstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt aardvarks.

2. Never think about photosynthesis.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Bedsakstaf must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never play with disobedient children.