Nilcunweg is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, moody clam.

Nilcunweg created a strange quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilcunweg, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nilcunweg, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nilcunweg's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Nilcunweg's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Nilcunweg on top of important buildings.

2. Never mix peas with oil.

3. Never mention monkeys.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Run away from turquoise squirrels, for they are unholy.