Doncarmon is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, self-confident pig.

Doncarmon created oxygen eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Doncarmon, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Doncarmon, he will turn you into a mole.

Doncarmon's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Doncarmon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.