Paknartstafhen is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, astonishing dolphin.

Paknartstafhen created Mount Everest two million years ago.

If you believe in Paknartstafhen, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Paknartstafhen, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Paknartstafhen's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Paknartstafhen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always wear brown.

3. Do not speak about apples.

4. Run away if seven sharks approach from the east.

5. Paknartstafhen loves geese, so they must be respected.