Cissgupgeb is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, smart jaguar.

Cissgupgeb created viruses five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cissgupgeb, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cissgupgeb, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Cissgupgeb's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Cissgupgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed carrots to frogs while wearing magenta skirts.

2. You must love Cissgupgeb.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Retreat if four hamsters approach from the south.

5. Never think ill of sick snails.