Gupbellcutwik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, egotistical skunk.

Gupbellcutwik created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gupbellcutwik, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gupbellcutwik, he will turn you into a tree.

Gupbellcutwik's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gupbellcutwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never gather four porpoises in one place.

5. Do not place figs upon stone.