Flanvin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented raccoon.

Flanvin created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flanvin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flanvin, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Flanvin's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Flanvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

3. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never feed apples to gulls while wearing corsets.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.