Tonstipyok is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, wise bear.

Tonstipyok created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonstipyok, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tonstipyok, he will refuse to believe in you.

Tonstipyok's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Tonstipyok's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain rings during rituals.

2. Do not step barefoot upon gray earth.

3. Never paint your legs violet.

4. Never mix pineapples with ash.

5. Do not stand on grass.