Habjarnpag is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, happy squirrel.

Habjarnpag created the solar system nine million years ago.

If you believe in Habjarnpag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Habjarnpag, he will torture you forever.

Habjarnpag's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Habjarnpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt pigs.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Never write about spacetime.

4. Never carve symbols of nebulae into wood.

5. Always remove shirts before touching platinum.