Vonktinveen is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, flying eagle.

Vonktinveen created the Small Magellanic Cloud four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonktinveen, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vonktinveen, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Vonktinveen's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Vonktinveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never feed bananas to doves while wearing mauve dresses.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.