Bemmifkom is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent badger.

Bemmifkom created an electron eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemmifkom, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bemmifkom, she will try to impress you with trees.

Bemmifkom's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bemmifkom's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Feed all hungry mice.

5. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Bemmifkom in the centre of the settlement.