Kopquimnul is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-confident lion.

Kopquimnul created a strange quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kopquimnul, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kopquimnul, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Kopquimnul's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Kopquimnul's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured pigs.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always help sick porpoises.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always wear plain stockings during rituals.