Flatontgut Quimlimrow is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, boastful troll.

Flatontgut Quimlimrow created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatontgut Quimlimrow, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Flatontgut Quimlimrow, she will turn you into a goat.

Flatontgut Quimlimrow's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Flatontgut Quimlimrow's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

3. Always wear plain stockings during rituals.

4. Do not contemplate fluid mechanics during the night.

5. Always look after injured seals.