Narbontit is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, unthoughtful eagle.

Narbontit created life eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Narbontit, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Narbontit, he will make you grow a tail.

Narbontit's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Narbontit's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt mites.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Narbontit on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.